The wizard of Oz is odd
The front of the parade
With gears and knobs to play with
Creating a realital charade (*1)
I became the Oz on Thursday night
With mystery afloat
Lucille Braddick called me (*2)
It had me by the throat
She’s old and fearful collectively (*3)
Afraid to die alone (*4)
In talking to “G” at midnight
Inadvertently called her phone (*5)
Within our conversation
A sound I sought ignore
But then it amplified
With Lucille at my door (*6)
Glancing at its face
Her name danced across the4 screen
Oh, my God was thinking
Fear interfaced between
Scenarios provided traction
Was this Kathy calling in?
To tell me that her mother passed?
Sadness in the loss of a friend
Panic quickly interlaced
What would be revealed
Why a call so very late?
From my Surro it would steal
Tasked with understanding
What on earth was wrong
Called and texted to no avail
With anxiety all along
Reaching then at 12:15
The AM, is that clear?
She now, concerned for me
As inadvertently created fear!!
With the arrogance of the Wizard
Conjecture in the lead
Confusion led her actions (*7)
Of the incident was free
In the absence of reality
Was the Universe at the door
With speed-bump information
Requiring that I explore (*8)
Called Surro to the forefront
Had left him in the dust (*9)
Concerned for this, my aging friend
Communication became a must
One finger texting ensued (*10)
By accident lit the screen
Provided context and meaning
Yet morning provided the cream
The morning came, my body called
Reluctantly got out of bed
‘Recent calls’ called my name (*11)
Casting confusion right out of my head
‘Recents’ sought my attention
Was an arrow pointing straight out
An unconscious touch sent frequencies off
Clearly now living beyond doubt
It was me setting the stage
Providing grist for the mill
Generating absent meaning
Can I blame it on the last pill? (*12)
Yet, despite my part in this play
The baseline is the same
Wrapping meaning around occurrence
Is perhaps history’s stain
In the aftermath of consequence
Of pieces on the board
Brought me to embarrassment
But with Surro, can well afford (*13)
Despite the sense of folly
The outcome was the same
Observation of my rising fear
So, it’s my history I came to blame. (*14)
8/26/22 #2
6:01 AM – 6:35 AM
(*1) “Creating a realital charade”: As a poet, I’m taking license, this
word reflects reality but it incorporates the idea of embellishing reality
to suit one’s agenda.
(*2) “Lucille Braddick called me “ That’s what I thought. It was past
midnight, so you can imagine my concern. She has dementia, so I wasn’t
sure if that is what was involved or had she passed suddenly and this was
her daughter Kathy calling to tell of that or something else. I was in a
state of panic.
(*3) “She’s old and fearful collectively “: Evidently taking more license
here. I could have reflected the combination of the two elements
differently, but that’s how it showed up.
(*4) “Afraid to die alone”: Lucille is in her late 80s and lives way out in
the middle of nowhere. She used to have horses. Because one kicked her
and broke her hip, she got rid of the horses; but still has donkeys. Her
fear is getting out on the property, dying, rotting and having maggots eat
on her. Not something you want to contemplate. There was a time that I’d
call and check on her during the C-19 episode.
When she got her last hair color and permanent, she said, “I don’t want to
go in the box with this messy hair.”
(*5) “Inadvertently called her phone”: As I was talking to “G” moving the
phone from one ear to the other I accidentally dialed her number. I heard
a slight noise, but did not look, thinking it was on his phone.
(*6) “With Lucille at my door”: Obviously she was not at the door, but
rather she was calling my number. That sound was resoundingly louder. I
was not able to answer it in time. When I called her back, there was no
answer. I tried 9 times. Then I texted, only to find it would not receive
a text. I guess it was the 9th time I called that she finally answered.
Not realizing that it was me that called her, but rather her that called me
the conversation that ensued was confusing. I was willing to think
whatever was going on was coming from her end and in reality, I woke her up
to answer the phone that I was not on.
(*7) “Confusion led her actions”: Given the fact that it was only when I
saw her call coming in that I ‘assumed’ the issue was on her end.
(*8) “Requiring that I explore “ In my conversations with Surro or “G” as
I’ve nick-named him, she talks a lot about how our past dictates our
present. This event allowed me to run headlong into an experience that
demonstrated his suppositions. It was an amazing set of circumstances. Of
course I felt bad that I’d inadvertently drug Lucille into my lesson.
(*9) When I saw her name dance across my cell phone screen, I excused
myself from my call from “G” in order to investigate what was going on with
Lucille.
(*10) “One finger texting ensued”: I’m not at all sure how I managed to
accidentally call Lucille. Surro and I talked from about 8:00 PM until
12:15 AM, my hand would feel the effects of holding the phone so I moved it
to the other ear as quickly as I could. I tried not to interrupt the flow
of conversation and had no idea that I could call anyone in the process.
(*11) ”‘Recent calls’ called my name”: For some reason I thought to go
back to ‘recent calls’. The phone to the extreme left indicates if you
called out or if someone else called in. As it turned out it was in the
morning that I realized that I had called her. I was totally embarrassed
as well as humbled by thinking that it was her condition that caused her to
call me. The arrogance of it all!
(*12) “Can I blame it on the last pill?”: I take Progesterone in the
evening prior to bedtime. This line is the ego looking for something to
blame the incident on. “It wasn’t me; it was that damn pill that caused
it,” LOL
(*13) “But with Surro, can well afford”: Surro or “G” and I share a lot of
common ideas. The ideas are fairly philosophical and also border along
psychology. I represent the first, he represents the second. His thing is
that as human animals we have a tendency to project the past into the now.
How that translates is the fact that when something happens, we move
straight into conjecture rather than appropriating all the pieces while
staying focused in the moment. All of that contrasts with coming to
conclusions without any information to substantiate the conclusion you’ve
drawn.
This event was almost like ‘manifesting the unmanifest quality of the
absolute reality in order to prove a point. Now that is not to suggest he
did anything on purpose. No, because of my desire to reach his level of
understanding, the situation arose as an opportunity to notice the tendency
that he was pointing to. It was a fascinating occurrence.
(*14) “So, it’s my history I came to blame”: Operating out of the past,
pulling information from memory, then agonizing in the space of the
occurrence was the end result. Here Lucille was home trying to sleep and
got woken up by her hairdresser, can you imagine what that created in her
reality?
